Tag: Stephen R. Covey

Frustrated Network Marketer–When The Hill Grows

Life is full of ups and downs, achievements and disappointments, successes and failures, joys and sadness.  In life there are no easy paths that lead to a perfect life where all is bliss and happiness all the time.  Along the path of life there are obstacles you will encounter and decisions to be made.  Frustrated network marketer – when the hill grows into a mountain what will you do?

There will be times when life delivers us a new challenge and the hill becomes a mountain.  It will be up to us to decide whether we accept the challenge or walk away.  How we handle a challenge will determine whether we will be successful or fail. The key is in your decision. The choice is yours alone. If a path of failure and disappointment is chosen there is no one to blame but you.

I know a network marketer who has been up to the challenge a number of years now.  You see the network marketing company she is with is not in her country but to her that does not matter.  Yes there are challenges but because it is what she wanted to do so she chose the path of success.  The company was a perfect fit for her so she accepted the challenges that she knew would be difficult but the road to success was in her view.  To her the decision that if she could not build her business in her country she would build it in countries that the network company was in was a decision she HAD to make.  She is successful now and in the near future she will have achieved her goals and be living her dreams.  She is an inspiration to those that know her and will be so to many many more.

Recently two network companies merged and with the merger both companies have gained expertise that they were lacking and in fact the new entity has increased in strength and expertise.  A move that was beneficial to both companies and the distributors.  New products introduced which means a learning experience for those that have not been introduced to these products before  and different selling techniques.  One of the unfortunate turns of events is that the company is not in all the countries that the merging company was in creating  new challenges for some of the distributors in those countries.  But for those that seek to achieve their dreams and goals they will find a way around or over the mountain that has obstructed their path.

How we deal with these mountains will determine whether we need to take a different path or continue on the path we are on and face the new challenge.  We need to remember that we are business people and need to make  decisions based on a business point of view and not on an emotional one.  Emotions tend to cloud your vision and give way to negative emotions if the situation does not follow the path we had set.  Stephen R. Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people” came upon a revelation and quoted it in his book.  “There is a gap or space between stimuli and response”.  The gap is the time you will have to make a decision to respond to the stimuli and the outcome will depend upon your decision.  Depending what the decision is, you will need to use the right criteria to make your decision and in business basing your decision upon an emotional response will lead down the path of negativity when in reality the situation you are cast into may be the best situation for you.

Frustrated Network Marketer–When The Hill Grows into that mountain that seems too high what will you do?  What will you do in that gap between stimuli and response?  I can only encourage you to make your decision based upon the right criteria and what is best for you.

Commit To Success Today
Dave and Darlene Mills
Leadership With A Vision

“You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” — Galileo

Frustrated Network Marketer–If I listen Without Judgement Could You Do The Same?

As we go through life we sometimes encounter bumps in the road we must endure before moving on.  Sometimes we are not sure how to handle the bumps and sometimes we just need to talk to someone just to get it off our chest.  “Frustrated Network Marketer–If I listen Without Judgement Could You Do The Same?” deals with this issue and explains why we never move forward but let it fester within.

I recently read an article in a local newspaper about a 21 year old woman.  She was a very intelligent and compassionate.  Many people appreciated her genuine and forgiving nature.  She helped anyone she could but there were those that took advantage of her and others scorned her for her wonderful attitude and generosity.  She was hurt over the scorning and attitude of others and kept it all inside.  It built up to the point where she committed suicide to end the pain she felt.  The picture in the article showed her with her “bestest friend” who was a much younger child.  Her friendship to a much younger child can be easily explained.  Children tend to accept you as you are without judging you for who you are or are not.  She may be gone but it leaves us to wonder what contribution she may have made to this world in need.  WE WILL NEVER KNOW!

How does this relate to network marketing?  Network marketers also hit bumps in the road both in life and business.  Sometimes these bumps seem impassable leaving us to think what can we do to move on.  Do you have anyone you can turn to?  On a recent call one of the contributors made this comment “We sometimes never talk to anyone because we don’t want others to know our business or what skeletons we have in the closet.”  The deep down fear is we are afraid of being judged by others.  One of the hardest things for a person is to listen to another without judging them.  Since this seems to be normal for society we tend to keep it all inside where it festers over time.

Not everything can be discussed with a spouse or partner.  In the case of network marketing there may not be that spousal or partner support for the business.  Talking to them may be of no advantage because they lack the experience of what you are going through and may even be opposed to this type of business so they have already prejudged the situation.

It is best to find someone  or a group which you can talk about anything whether it is related to business or life in general.  They must be trustworthy and make you feel safe during the discussion and knowing they will be looking out for your best interests.  Sometimes hearing others gives you a different perspective which may contain the answer you yourself need to solve a dilemma.

There will need to be some considerations when talking to your mastermind group of 2 or more.

  • The discussion needs to be kept confidential which in turn leads to an open dialogue within a safe harbour.
  • There cannot be an aspect that makes another feel they are being judged.
  • You will need to build a strong relationship so you can understand others paradigms.
  • You cannot impose your paradigms on others.
  • You will need to listen to another or others from their point of view (paradigm).  Put yourself in their shoes to better understand who they are.
  • Only give advice when asked (you will be able to tell if you are truly listening.)
  • When advice is given make sure you are advising towards a win/win ending.
  • Sometimes you will be required to listen and nothing else. Don’t spoil the dialogue by interjecting.
  • Ask questions to make sure you truly understand the situation. Sometimes the questions will lead you to the root of the problem.
  • Show the other person you are truly trying to understand them from their paradigm and not yours.
  • Be prepared to have the discussion open up to a deeper level as you truly try to understand the other person.
  • Do not let advice given or taken ruin the relationship because you disagree but learn from another’s point of view and always be prepared to learn something new.

To learn more about how to relate to others and how to share your ideas I would recommend you read the book “The Habits Of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey.  This book will inspire you to look deep within yourself and begin a motion towards relating to others from their paradigms.  Looking at the world trough the eyes of others.  Frustrated Network Marketer–If I listen Without Judgement Could You Do The Same?

Commit To Success Today
Dave and Darlene Mills
Leadership With A Vision

"You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself." — Galileo

Frustrated Network Marketer–A Shift In The Right Direction

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

By- Stephen R. Covey

Many times we judge other peoples behaviour and beliefs by our own paradigms which is unfair and insulting to them.  We really never truly listen to others to understand their point of view so we never build that close relationship we hoped we could have.  Frustrated Network Marketer–A Shift In The Right Direction makes all the difference in the world.

There have been so many moments of discovery as I read this book. Stephen talks about paradigms and goes on to explain what they are and how they affect our relationships, business and life in general. “Paradigm – a set of road maps we follow to guide our life, what we believe and how situations should go or be resolved.” If we have the courage to recognize when our paradigm is not correct or does not serve us, to the benefit of improving our life or the lives of others, then we need to have a paradigm shift. We will need to either adjust our paradigm or totally replace it with one that serves us and others to the better regarding our relationships, business and life in general. Some of the paradigms we have inherited over time do nothing to serve us or others but hold us back and give a narrow outlook on life. This also applies to our listening skills or the lack of skills. Here is an example of a paradigm shift and a skill that most people will never use or even have.

Stephen Covey related this story: I remember a mini paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.

Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious, that instantly, the whole climate changed.

The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint. I turned to him and said, “Sir your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”

The man lifted his gaze as if to come to consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”

Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behaviour; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in a moment.

Most people would have never asked those small questions Stephen asked the man. Most of us would have conveyed condolences and that would have completed the conversation. Stephen is using a skill which utilizes the highest level of listening, one we need to learn and master.

Reading, writing, speaking and listening are the four basic types of communication. The skill of communication is the most important skill we use. We learn how to read, write and speak which takes us a number of years to master. Question: How much time have you or I spent learning how to listen? And not just listen but listen to the point of deeply understanding another person from their point of reference. If you want to interact with a person and get results you will need to truly understand that person. True understanding cannot be based on technique alone but your character needs to be present also. Your character needs to be in line with what you are portraying otherwise the other person will detect the inconsistencies and not open up to you. Without openness there can be no true understanding of that person and without that you cannot effectively counsel or advise them.

The four levels of listening we are most familiar with are:

1. Ignoring – not really listening.

2. Pretending – Uh-huh, okay, right.

3. Selective hearing – Guys specialty.

4. Attentive listening – being focused on the words being said. We listen with the intent to reply.

Empathic listening is the highest level of listening and certainly not very common. This is listening with the intent to understand. This is a paradigm in itself.

This form of listening gets into the other person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand the way they feel.

When would you use this level of listening? Have new business partners? You need to listen to understand them, truly understand them. When they sense genuineness they will open up to you and at that level you can counsel and advise them. They will be open to your help and advice. We are building our business but we need to understand our prospects and business partners to the level where we can be effective in helping them.

My paradigms are not yours and I must not impose mine on you. Everyone has their own road maps of life and our job is to understand them and not insult them and that includes when we listen to them.  Sometimes Frustrated Network Marketer–A Shift In The Right Direction will make all the difference in building relationships, your business and just life in general.

"You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself." — Galileo

Commit To Success Today
Dave and Darlene Mills
Leadership With A Vision